I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
