O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
