I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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