and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
