I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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