They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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