worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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