Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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