Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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