you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
