i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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