i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
