Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
