a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
