God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
