fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
