I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I will be naked everywhere
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
