I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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