As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
