Duck Duck Cougar?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
