Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
