youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
