Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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