Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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