God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
my liver is dry heaving
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
