if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
