if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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