Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize