I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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