1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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