also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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