pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
