Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
