The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
