When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize