it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
