I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize