some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
