Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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