So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
