So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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