come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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