Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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