So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
