Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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