in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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