I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
