my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize