Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
