He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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