Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
