ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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