these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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