I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
