there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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