Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize