There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
