We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
