Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
