ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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