just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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