how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
