and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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