I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
