Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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