No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
